Living With Insecurities

Insecurities.

We all have them on some level. Things that make us basically feel some type of way.

Lately my insecurities have been affecting me more so than usual. Like a bad cold that keeps spreading, causing those closest to me to want to keep their distance.

Often times we tend to let our insecurities damage our relationships with other people.

Personally, I’ve always had a mistrust for men. In my life, men have not shown themselves to be particularly faithful so you can imagine how that bitterness has bled into my relationships; poisoning them and killing them before they have a chance to really be something.

You can see how that’d make for a very unhappy lifestyle.

Recently, it hasn’t made sense to live like that anymore. I can’t let my insecurities rule me, make me paranoid and mistrustful of those who have never given me a reason to be. I tend to want to protect myself from pain so I have a habit of of thinking of every possible horrible kind of transgression that could pass against me.

For many others, their insecurities lie in the way they look at themselves. In this society you’re either too fat, too skinny, too tall, too short, not pretty enough, no smart enough. It’s easy to feel like everything about you is just..not enough. But you ARE enough. Do not let people’s ideas of who they think you should be get in the way of how you view yourself.

Adele said “I have insecurities of course, but I don’t hang out with anyone who points them out to me.”

Though it is good to have friends to point out where you’re wrong, “friends” that consistently and negatively point out the things you may not feel confident about are toxic and you don’t need them.

Nonetheless, for me and anyone else ruled by their insecurities, it’s time for a change.

Remind yourself that you are not your insecurities.

Remind yourself that though it is better to be safe than sorry, don’t block yourself from the people who truly care about you.

Remind yourself that you are entitled to your feelings.

Remind yourself that we all have insecurities and you are not alone.

Insecurities are a part of life and at some point we all struggle with them, but they don’t have to define you.

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Updates.

 

Today, I cried.

For the first time in months, I let myself feel for a second and it was like everything I’ve felt for maybe the passed year came bursting through my tear ducts all at once.

Update on my life:

  1. It’s my senior year of college and I’m not graduating. Not because I couldn’t, but because i felt that it was more important to finish strong than to finish “on time”. So I decided to take an extra semester. You can imagine my parents’ disapproval but hey..it is MY life. Unfortunately, my decision hasn’t shielded me from the pain of seeing a good 80% of my friends in their cap and gown pictures and it sucks.
  2. It’s been a losing fight for me between me and my depression. It feels like after one wave passes and I catch my breath, another one comes and knocks me right down. I haven’t complained because everyone’s going through their own shit and I try not to be down for long.

I honestly could go on and on about the tragedy called my life lol but I don’t think that’s the point of this post. I suppose I’m only writing for the sake of writing today.

As per usual, I have to dust myself off and keep going. So from here on out you might as well follow me on my journey.

The ups, the downs, the tears, and the smiles.

Trying to figure out how to be happy, despite the world coming down on me.