So, somewhat recently, I went through a particularly horrific breakup. To be honest, this post is less about the breakup and more about me dealing with the backlash of it. Rumors were flying, my name and reputation were dragged through the mud, my side wasn’t being told because I figured it didn’t matter anyway. All me saying my side would do is give people more to talk about. Anyone who knows me knows that not many things get to me but damn. That was probably the worst week of my life. I go to an incredibly small private university and so everywhere I went, I ran into people who followed him on Twitter and I constantly felt like they were looking for signs of truth to what he or others had said about me. I wanted to disappear, I wanted him to disappear, I wanted people to stop sending me screenshots of what he was saying, I wanted people to stop asking me if I was okay. Of course I wasn’t okay. Who would be? I thought I deserved it. I figured I just had to sit there and take it. Not because I was as bad as he made me out to be, but because I wasn’t as good as I should’ve been. I tried to convince myself that I should’ve stayed in a relationship that I was unhappy in because it was the right thing to do.
That lasted for about a week.
I’m a logical person. Logically, it didn’t make sense to dwell over how people saw me. People will form their own judgments regardless. I could be bitter and petty, telling people how not shit my ex is. I could air out every wrong thing he’s ever done, shed light on all his shortcomings, and ruin his character the way he did mine. It’d be the understandable thing to do.
After much consideration, I realized I, as angry as I was, would never want him to feel the way I felt. As someone who struggles with depression and was now setback because of this situation, i realized the only thing I could do was move forward.
It’s been about 3 weeks? And I’m happy. Genuinely.
That’s all I ever wanted to be and the fact that it took something as dramatic as all that to make it happen is hilariously ridiculous but I’m grateful for it. Most importantly I’m over it. 🙂